chatmates

I had been meaning to write the many thoughts i have regarding u and i eversince i started feeling this way. i want, as it were, to paint with vibrant hues that which i feel so that at least u could feel them through the words with which i write them. i ponder and ponder about the thought of writing. but i decided to hold back. not for lack of things to write - surely your love had given me the impetus to dig deep into my soul and give life to that which i feel. i held back. precisely because no matter how hard i try to convey my feelings, words fail to capture them. for how could mere words convey what love has encrypted in the language of the heart? i can hold back no longer. i need to write, to let you know what i feel - if only for the selfish purpose of unburdening myself with this pressure ever ready to explode inside me. i hope that i would find the means to reconcile lifeless words with vibrant emotions. how could one love someone he has not yet seen face to face. how could i miss you when i haven't even had the chance to look at ur eyes or touch ur hair, kiss ur lips or hold ur hand? i have time and again during these past few days asked myself questions such as this. i battle with myself; with my mind explaining the illogicality of the process, with my heart seemingly unable to defy the dictates of itself.

when we say we miss someone, is it only the physical "part" of her that we miss? as such, do we only miss seeing her face, or touching her hand? can I not miss the "thought" of being with her in a non-physical avenue such as that which is upon us, thanks to modernity and technology? can I not miss the sound of her voice, or the way which she composes her words so that i could be reminded of her special care for me? i had been told, time and again by my mind, of the absurdity of the context that gave rise to this love that i profess. how can love arise from a circumstance such as this that we have? it goes against every traditional reason and norm of courtship. it mocks the very foundation of erotic relationship which relies heavily on physical attraction. and i say it does all these things. yes, to such unimaginable degree that i can say i'm proud it does. for love ceases to be love when it begins to conform to the confines of tradition and society. love ceases to be love when it allows itself to be dictated upon by the expectations of the world. if that be the case romeo would have never had his juliet, paris his helen, anthony his cleopatra. love's power is seen when it bends expectations and unbinds the passion of a creative spirit to seek ways and venues to allow itself to grow and mature. love's passion needs physical affirmation. our bodies are used as conduits of a certain kind of emotional conversation which words fail to express. yet there are more avenues for love to express itself. for love refuses to be stifled by the finiteness of physical expression. love leaps over to the realm of the spiritual in such a way that its message is felt, at times more deeply thru a praise, or a promise, or a prose perhaps. ever wonder how just a glance from someone u love could send you fluttering to cloud nine? love breathes life to our otherwise lifeless souls. it energizes it so that we feel what we otherwise won't, we hear what we normally don't. love inspires the soul to be creative in looking for ways to convey itself.

here is where we are... fools to the eyes of the world, but we know where we stand. in time, we shall meet. but until then, let us hold on firmly to each other, with hope as our carriage, and love as our bond.